The "Wrong" Judge

We heard from our agency last night that we are one of 4 families that is stuck in neutral with our court case. Apparently the judge we are before was just transferred to Taichung from another distrcit court and is still getting himself together. It may also be that he never had to deal with cases of international adoption in his other county and this is all new to him.

How can it be that of all the families and all the judges, we, along with these other families had the misfortune of being stuck with this particular judge. It is so unfair and infuriating it is almost hard to breath when I think about it. Why couldn't they give our cases to a judge that wasn't new. Why can't he admit that he is too new, too far behind, or just doesn't know how to do it and ask someone for help...or transfer our cases to another judge.

What am I supposed to tell Olivia when she asks me what she was like as a baby? If we miss the first time she pulls up, or crawls, or walks...what do I tell her when she asks me about these milestones in her life? "I'm sorry honey but I don't know. Yes we were matched with you when you were just 2 and a half months old, but some judge didn't think it was important enough to send you home until you were a year old."

Because we got stuck with the "wrong" judge, my daughter's babyhood is being stolen from me. The memories I could share with her about her babyhood are being stolen from her.

I was doing really well the earlier part of this week. I wasn't happy, but I was coming to reluctant terms with this wait. I was trying to be thankful that Olivia is in foster care. I was trying to tell myself that as long as she was home before her first birthday it would be fine.

I'm not fine anymore. I am back to the bad place I was a few weeks ago. It isn't fair that someone on the other side of the world is keeping our daugther from her family.

It isn't fair and there is nothing else to say.